Pangolin News Flash: Maggots found in McDonalds Burger

A Cridling Stubbs woman who found numerous maggots and a herring gull in her Big Mac has been incensed by the response from the company.

Mrs Emmeline Vibes (17), of Dogflees Lane, noticed the additional wildlife and notified McDonalds at once. "They asked what on earth I expected if I was going to leave my burger outdoors on a dustbin lid for three days in a heat wave. I mean, like, wtf?"

"I'd only left it outside while I checked the spare room for gherkins, and then I just forgot about it. How was I to know?"

Mrs Vibes, a hamster-sexer with Pets at Home on the Bagshot Road, says she will not be going to McDonalds again. "The manager down there's got such bad acne he makes grandma's spotted dick look like a billiard ball", she explained.