Very democratic, dementia. Available to all, free of charge.

Like most other people, we at Pangolin love a bandwagon, and a major one’s about to roll slowly into town next Wednesday. Yes, you’ve guessed it – Margaret Thatcher’s funeral. And there WILL be a band, and soldiers and guns and who knows, maybe even a warplane fly past.

The Commons spent seven hours – that’s SEVEN hours – the other day paying tribute to her, and radio and television have already wheeled out “The Margaret Thatcher I Knew” type programmes by the shedload. These are irritating time-wasters, but nowhere near as irritating as the Ding-Dong, The Witch is Dead brigade. Apparently, the Hit Parade is easily manipulated, as was demonstrated recently by nitwits elevating a not-very-good band called Saliva in the Machine or something to Number One so that the cherished top spot didn’t go to Peppa Pig. Or something.

Now let’s be straight here, we at Pangolin Towers were not Thatcher fans. We thought she was a patronising, humourless bully who, whilst inheriting a country up to its armpits in industrial strife, destroyed unions, jobs and communities. Thanks to her own party. “There is no such thing as society”, she said. She called everybody’s bluff [including the Belgrano’s] and launched the Loadsa Money mindset which came to spectacular fruition quite recently at the hands of greedy bankers. And we hated her manner – the coached speaking voice, the lack of humour, and the complete conviction that only she was right. In the end, that did for her and her spineless cabinet eventually found the guts to kick her out.

However, what’s the point in dancing about singing Ding Dong The Witch is Dead ? The witch died quite some time ago at the hands of dementia. She has had no influence on British politics for ages. And the pics we’ve seen on telly of twerps dancing about singing that daft song showed a high proportion of young people who probably had to be told exactly who Mrs Thatcher was before the music started. Ah! Young people! They should all be at home studying to become crime commissioners. What they must not be are the arbiters of respect.  The poor old BBC doesn’t know what to do. Play the whole song? Play a bit of it? Playing a bit of its like missing out the **** from OFF. Playing it all suggests that the Ding Dongers and the Beeb class Mrs Thatcher with Denis Neilson, The Yorkshire Ripper or Adolf Hitler. One young man, interviewed in the street whilst Ding Dongers were at it, when asked if he thought it was appropriate said, “Yeah, well, its like, y’know a bit of fun innit.” 

Stupid boy.