Thursday 18 October 2012

Coldly Calling (where lots of people have called before)

Ring ring. Ring ring.

Hello.
Am I speaking to Mr Stoat?
No.
(pause)
To whom am I speaking, please?
Why?
(pause)
Are you Mr W R Stoat ?
No.
(slightly longer pause)
Are you the householder, sir ?
Yes.
But you are not Mr Stoat?
No.
(pause)
And this is 01231 777888?
Yes.
47 Wherryman’s Lane?
Yes.
(pause)
But you are not Mr Stoat?
No. My name is Stott. S-T-O-T-T.
Oh Mr Scott, I am so sorry.
No, that’s Stott, not Scott.
I am so, so sorry Mr Snot.
Why are you ringing me ?
Ah – well, how would you feel about saving 90% on your fuel bills ?
I am absolutely and completely not interested thank you, in fact, I would rather eat my own legs.
(pause)
Mr Sprot, have you ever had an accident at work ?

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